I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
