I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
