We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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