The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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