I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
