that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
