I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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