he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
