Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
