The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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