Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
