I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
