ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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