I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
