I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize