ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
