I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize