My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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