tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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