dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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