I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
