what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
