8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
