i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can I color on your dick again?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
