i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
