Nicole vs. Life
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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