so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
