I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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