He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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