if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
