She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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