I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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