Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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