White coat. Heels.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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