I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
