A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
