The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
