You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
