wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
