Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
