I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
