You just made me feel so damn special
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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