Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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