the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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