if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
