Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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