i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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