well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
