I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
