His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
