The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
