Midget sex pt 2 tonight
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
