she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think I won the penis lottery.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Randomize
