listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
