This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize