guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
