dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
