So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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