did you get engaged???
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
