she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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