Whod you bang
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Life is so much better after having sex.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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