were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
