When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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