All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
