i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
