Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
