In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
