Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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