I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's official drugs can't kill me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
