His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
