hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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