one might say we're banned from that church
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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