you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
