i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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