Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
